InAParallelUniverse101

1. Kids find public libraries as exciting as Abercrombie & Fitch. And they prefer the lighting.
2. Mark Zuckerberg doesn't go to college but becomes a rock star. He's happier. We're happier: there is no facebook.
3. Apple designs a dishwasher. Siri operated. Get those glasses done!
4. Sharks dislike swimming near surfers.
5. The Beatles separate, go on sabbaticals, produce their own work and then agree to produce one joint album every other year.
6. Peanut butter is only available as crunchy.
7. Beautiful sunsets and sunrises last 60% longer when you are on holiday.
8. Nobody mentions the Euro.
9. Processed food is only available Monday thru' Thursday.
10. There is no boom. There is no bust. Just life.
11. Starting exercise after any kind of gap is especially super easy.
12. A pre-requisite to taking the car driving test is passing the cycling proficiency test.
13. Politics is understood to be a cryptic form of stand-up. Consequently people laugh a lot more.
14. E-mail doesn't work on work e-mail addresses between Friday 5pm and Monday 6am.
15. Tardis holidays are available so long as you sign the very, very long disclaimer and understand that 47% of travellers do not return.
16. Room service never includes surcharges.
17. Mobile phones are charged up by conversation with your mother.
18. Favourite jeans never die.
19. Cuba creates the 'media free holiday' to replace the slow demise of the cigar.
20. It is illegal to sell bottled still water in developed countries.
21. Hola is the world-wide 'hi'. Claro.
22. There are no forms to fill in for immigration. Anywhere.
23. Jet lag is cured by a large beaker of water plus a piece of the local fruit.
24. Mosquitoes don't spread disease.
25. France agrees it has plenty of cheeses and finally catalogues them.
26. Tweets are randomly collected, knitted together and the results published in a daily novel.
27. Everybody bakes their own bread. And very nice it is too. Stress is much lower.
28. Aeroplanes board in order of niceness to check in staff.
29. Elevators do not allow anyone to use them for just one floor.
30. All stains except blood are reversible.
31. 'How to make a proper espresso' is part of the national curriculum.
32. Greengrocers are taught how to use the apostrophe correctly in their sign's.
33. Thinking is taught, practised and valued.
34. Marketeers learn the difference between it's and its.
35. Deadwood developes a cult following which allows two more series. Kurt Harden becomes principal adviser to the series.
36. There is a world wide ban on screens for the under fives.
37. Everybody reads Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan swift, the Centaur by John Updike, the Power of the Dog by Don Winslow, the Jungle by Upton Sinclair, The Canterbury Tales by Chaucer.
38. Men and women accept that they are different. And it's ok.
39. Chemistry is cool.
40. Traffic flows.
41. Wool washes easily.
42. A woman's bottom looks exactly as she wishes it to look. Exactly.
43. Bicycle punctures take minutes to fix. No more, no less.
44. The Periodic Table is revered rather than being allowed to become sulphur splashed.
45. Yellow stickies are not invented, desks are tidier, forests are saved.
46. Queues at Disney are enough to catch up on how good the ride was, hug and hold hands. No more, no less.
47. Caffeine boosts the immune system.
48. Tobacco dies out with the dinosaurs as they eat it all.
49. The Romans get a bit more established before pulling out of Great Britain.
50. People love vegetables.
51. Everybody realises there is a reason they become like their parents. Their parents are right.
52. All children get unconditional love. Anytime, anyplace, anywhere.
53. Sport is mandatory. No, no ifs nor buts. Mandatory.
54. Longevity is a function of kilometres walked over lifetime.
55. There is no unrequited love.
56. The 24 team produce a real time Julius Caesar. Jack Bauer plays Brutus. Chloe plays Mark Anthony.
57. Five sharpened pencils sit on your writing desk by 5am each morning.
58. There is a universal 'switch off spoilers' function on anything read or viewed via iOS6.
59. All plastics are fully bio-degradable with the addition of goat urine.
60. Leonardo da Vinci's families do not cut up his notebooks.
61. Rats make a mistake very early in their evolutionary history and base themselves in trees. It doesn't work out.
62. Favourite shoes never wear out.
63. Nobody is invisible because of age nor sex nor skin colour nor culture nor job title nor choice of beverage in a bar.
64. Algebra is popular as it helps with great sex.
65. Eclecticity opens a chain of coffee shops. Each one is different. All have jukes boxes, white boards on which to write and a complete library of Beatles reference books.
66. All countries have two legal speed limits, one a significantly lower one for wet weather.
67. Electrons do not work at altitude avoiding favourite beauty spots reverberating with 'hey, we're at the top, shame there is no Starbucks here haha"
68. Basketball is the uk national favourite sport.
69. Snow self-cleans via a unique form of low temperature osmosis.
70. Michael Wade launches a drive time radio show. Great music interspersed with cool business tips.
71. Chips mean chips. Crisps means crisps. Cream means cream. Wherever you are in the world.
72. HBO starts a political party. Finally the drama of politics is actually gripping. And has some kind of continuity.
73. No text nor mail can be received on a phone if it is with 0.5m of another person's body.
74. Everybody drives on the left. Obviously.
75. Stephen King write a romantic blockbuster which has readers in tears.
76. Males aged 14 to 44 hate fast cars.
77. Starbucks opens a high street bank. It opens nice and early with excellent queue management and friendly staff who work hard to learn your name.
78. Chewing gum doesn't stick. To anything.
79. Volvo launch a children's playground. Super safe. Exciting enough. Good investment.
80. Parisian waiters love their customers.
81. In 2012, Sir Richard Branson launches the vMBA a 4 week instensive business course.
82. Singapore advises the world on public rest rooms.
83. San Francisco is never foggy on your first full day of visiting. And nobody forgets to book Alcatraz.
84. The Great Escape has happy endings.
85. Men have a 'how to use the washing machine' gene.
86. Public transport is efficient. Effective. Great value. Non polluting. Cool.
87. Mobile phones do not work when a car engine is running.
88. Chocolate helps prevent tooth decay.
89. The planet is respected.
90. The tie grows ever more popular.
91. People are respected.
92. Power is earnt and then never abused.
93. Los Angeles builds a world class metro system.
94. The baddie always gets his come-uppance.
95. All shoes are polished.
96. Extra terrestrials leave a report of human progress each year on the 31 December. It is a useful reminder of what needs attention.
97. Green tea heals all minor ailments and considerable medical time and expense is saved.
98. A child's crayon does not work on vertical surfaces.
99. Life is good and people know it is good.
100. Kaizen is a way of life.
101. Today is the best day of everybody's life.