Subject: Planet Earth; Human Species.
Subject Teacher Reports:
Maths: Frankly, this Autumn Term/Fall semester has been abysmal. Humans seem – still - to have no concept of value exchange or as they
like to call it: money. Nor how to manage it. Essentially highly dubious ideas
associated with property price or ‘intangibles’ on a ‘stock-market’ have been
an essential part of their economic model and their so-called economic growth
and of course despite much advice
from the Headmaster the whole thing has come tumbling down. An over dependence
on advisers instead of getting out there and making stuff have compounded the
issues. Despite several detentions and some considerable tears there seems to be little real
shift in attitude; I do not see this subject returning to satisfactory
assessment for some considerable time. I am very concerned.
Competence: E. Effort: E.
Science: Humans had at least been giving this some
attention. They like to call it global warming, of course and it had become -
to use their cute word – ‘sexy’, but with Maths result so poor, their attention
has shifted. Science in other
areas has been encouraging. Things are getting faster and smaller and with this
continued trend it would be nice if we could introduce face –to- face tutorials
with humans instead of idea transference simply by meme injection which has its inherent errors. The use of Malcolm
Gladwell as a channel has proved successful and the ’10,000h of work’ meme is
transferring rapidly. It should be fully absorbed by 17th January
2011.
Competence: C, Effort: B
Geography: We seem no further forward with getting humans
to fully realise it is actually one planet (and a small one at that) and it
would be very helpful for all concerned to work together. As we at the Interplanetary
Committee have noted on several occasions, Humans seem to have bit of an ego problem.
Until we can make real progress with the meditation meme we seem to have hit a stumbling
block here.
Competence: C; Effort: D.
English: Grammar, syntax, spelling and punctuation all continue
to decline. We consistently hear from the humans that this is because of the
internet and texting and lack of time. It is simply not acceptable. Extra classes
will be introduced next term.
Competence: C, effort; D
Other Languages: Spanish makes good progress. We believe the strategy
of associating it with gorgeous
girls with brown eyes and making it essential for ordering fast food in LA has been
very successful. We need to do more creative thinking like this.
A/A
Sport: Spectator sport as previously commented in other
reports makes considerable growth. Actually playing it remains in decline.
Sadly we cannot evolve the human body at any greater rate because of a lack of Nano
Carbon Engineers and therefore the human body is currently not fit for use. We
at the Academy must take some responsibility for this.
D/D
Religion: popular, but far, far too many options all vying
to be the best.
B/D
Art: We blame ourselves for this: encouraging elitism.
C/C
Music: We are still very dependent on the original works
of the Rolling Stones, Eagles and others. Fresh blood and thinking is desperately
needed. I encourage all to look for fresh talent.
B/B
Literature: We
are delighted to see the growth of blogging and would ask that the stuffy group
know as ‘publishers’ would consider the quality of much of that work otherwise
little of worth is coming to market. Your current best bet of being published is if you are a celebrity
chef who had a very bad childhood.
B/A
Year Head
As I look out from my
study on the planet LazDrop and reflect on the orbits of the three moons, I remember
the great hope we had when we first encountered Earth. A blue jewel in the sky
and those wonderful bipedal creatures on the edge of language development, with
a fixation on a black object spinning in the sky. We have coached and nurtured
them and this is our return. I am disappointed and I feel next semester may mean
the removal of even further privileges such as the removal of the automobile, some
home ownership and the ability to afford drinks at Starbucks. Painful but
necessary.
Head Master
It is with a heavy heart
that I reflect on this report: one of our brightest species, one of most abundant
planets. And yet. Maybe we were too lenient? Maybe they have been spoilt? We
gave them our best: photosynthesis. We took away the nastiest: dinosaurs. We
gave them West Wing for moral guidance and 24 for project management tips. So
much to be done and so little time.
Notes for the diary
As a consequence of this
report, Planet Earth’s graduation day has been put on hold. Indefinitely.
JfDI!
How to sell brilliantly
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