We don't get a second chance on those all-too-few really hot dates. She's so cute, he's so gorgeous. We're trying to be so cool, charming and sophisticated (all at the same time) that it starts to go wrong....and that's exactly where CuteCoach(TM) comes in. Based on a brand new, highly sophisticated iApp and using WiFi technology the product consists of two elements: the invisible earpiece and your IPhone left discreetly within range, apparently in OFF mode. As the date progresses e.g. in the restaurant Artificial Intelligence software 'listens in' to the conversation and prompts you with answers to the tricky parts in the conversation such as: If any of the above cause just a little anxiety you need CuteCoach (TM). Remove anxiety, concentrate on seductive body language and enjoy the date.
Your Shopping List So Far:
1: Baby Blackberry
Why should baby be left out? Babies have a tough Life: nobody understands them and although everyone wants to 'ooh and ah' when they are smiley and in a fresh baby-gro, things soon change once there is an odd odour in the room and/or a lot of screaming. That's where Baby Blackberry comes in: communicate with ease with your 2-month old. Fresh from The Top Secret Blackberry Labs Bunker come a range of three in pink, blue and PC yellow. Advanced core technology is wrapped in soft chewable rubber embedded with micro-sensors. All baby has to do is to follow his/her natural tendency to chew and the micro-sensors will sample his/her saliva. Molecular differentiators will rapidly ascertain the mood of the baby and send an appropriate message to Mum or Dad. Pre-programmed messages are:
- I need my nappy/diaper changed
- I am hungry
- I am thirsty
- I want a story read to me
- I am too hot
- I am too cold
- Why is nobody talking to me?
- Any chance of going to the park like my brother?
- What is TV?
Destined to be a sure-fire hit this holiday season, order yours now. Blackberry scientists are hoping to 'morph' the technologies used in this new product into mainstream blackberries so that anxious executives can just chew their own machines when feeling under pressure. Happy Holidays!
2: Therapist SatNav.
We've all been there: the long road home. We've listened to all the news. All our play-lists. And it's still a good 2h to the comfort of our own bed. It's been a tough day and we're wondering why on Earth we do it, when suddenly the SatNav kicks in to remind us to take a turn and it's surprisingly re-assuring and comforting. We're almost inclined to take the back-route to get a bit of 'conversation' going.
Well, now SatNav Global WeGetYouThere Systems have launched Therapist SatNav. All the usual navigational facilities are there, but at any time you can switch on the therapist function and in a soothing male or female voice your therapist will talk through any problem you have in a non-judgemental, reflective way. Takes 5 minutes to set up recognition to your voice and he/she can then discuss any of the following:
- work issues such as over-work, colleague problems
- not getting promotion
- your partner is having an affair
- you are having an affair
- you wish you were having an affair
- money issues
- health issues
Coming soon:
- problems with teens
- lack of sleep caused by crying babies
- whether or not to do an MBA
Feel better, work better, Live better with Therapist SatNav (TM). Happy Holidays!
3: Green Monopoly In a World which needs more trees and fewer cars, more love and less hate and certainly fewer speeches on carbon footprints, Green Monopoly is a welcome addition to this year's 'Must Have' Christmas present list. Standard 'Red' Monopoly has always been a capitalist joy. Buy, buy, buy. Sell sell, sell. But of course deep down it has never really instilled the best values in our young people; hence a special variant of the well-loved classic. Green Monopoly(TM)encourages a love of the planet and a respect for its limited and dwindling resources. Special features includes: Make the correct choice this year: Green Monopoly (TM). Happy Holidays!
